Through His Eyes
by Neferit
Summary: He loves her. All she wants is sex and no obligations. And his heart is breaking each time he sees her flirting with someone who's not him.


**A/N:** So, I had been browsing through DAO kink meme once again and this older prompt caught my fancy:

_Ser Gilmore is desperately in love with Lady Cousland. She has no clue and, furthermore, only wants to be friends with benefits._

And since I like this pairing so much (even if without the friends with benefits thingie), I decided to give it a try.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing, just this little piece of fanfiction.

* * *

**Through His Eyes**

"I do not want my first be someone I do not really know, Roland," she told him all these months ago. "I want it to be someone I know I can trust, someone I've known for years."

He refused at first, but she took hold of his hands, looked into his eyes and said: "Roland, _please_."

And he knew he was lost.

**-o.O.o-**

She nearly ambushed him as he rounded the corner, her lips pressing themselves on his in a rushed and demanding kiss.

"My lady!" he tried to protest in the short moment he managed to break the kiss. She captured his lips again, before she breathed: "Take me, Rory. _Now_."

He took her against the wall, her skirts hitched high, her legs wrapped around his waist as he bit her suddenly revealed shoulder to stop himself from moaning too loud when he entered her. Their release was quick, neither of them caring whether they get caught or not. Only the passion, only the release, was seeked out now.

When she left, flushed and breathing hard, he just sat there on the floor, feeling like cheap entertaiment.

**-o.O.o-**

One of the things he hated was when he was supposed to stand guard in the main hall when there was some suitor invited for several days. This time, it was son of one of the slightly more important banns from easters Bannorn, Gar. He flirted with his lady, his Amanda, and she gave the man a bright smile and playful wink, making his heart twitch painfully in his chest.

She came to him that night, sneaking into his bed in search for relief, and leaving again before sunrise, him aching for more.

**-o.O.o-**

Sometimes, he innitiated their encounters, usually after they are done for the day with sparring. They were both sweaty and tired but when he pulled her to him, she never pushed him away, her mouth eagerly meeting his in heated kiss.

Those were the days he nearly didn't wash the day's dirt off, as he was afraid that together with dirt, her smell, and her memory, will be washed away as well.

**-o.O.o-**

"Ser Gilmore? A moment of your time."

It wasn't all that unusual that lord Fergus would call him, so Roland did as he was asked, waiting for further instruction from the young lord. That day, however, Fergus didn't ask him to spar. Instead, he led him away from the place he was stationed, closing the door to his study.

"Tell me, Roland, how can you stand that?" he asked, turning around to watch him thoughfully.

"My lord?" Roland didn't have to fake not understanding. Fergus pressed his lips together before he replied. "How can you stand to be used like that by my sister, Roland?" Roland felt himself paling, and Fergus rushed to add: "Don't worry, Roland, I'm not asking this to punish you. I'm just asking why you let yourself be treated like that?"

He didn't get his answer from Roland, but the change in posture told Roland that the other man understood. He hated to see the pity in the eyes of his lord, but when he thought about it, it was just what he deserved.

**-o.O.o-**

The worst part about their... settlement was that he had no rights for her attention. It hurt like hell, when he heard her giggling with her sister-in-law about the bann of Rainesferre they met in Denerim, when the whole family travelled there to attend the Landsmeet.

"And those _eyes_! The way they would settle on you, Amanda... he sure is interested!"

Giggle.

"And those _lips_, Oriana - made to be kissed!"

Giggle.

And he felt his heart breaking once more.

**-o.O.o-**

He felt it was his luckiest day when Commander of the Grey Wardens came to Highever, intending to recruit him to Grey Wardens. It was a prestigeous thing, to be accepted to the order, and add to that, it would also mean that he would leave the castle, giving his heart finally the opportunity to mend all the breaks it sustained.

Yet, the fate was unmercifull. First, he got into a heated fight with Amanda, because he stopped her when she tried to start yet another of their encounters. And then, at night the castle was attacked by those who were viewed as friends.

It was easy to see that it was just a matter of time till the castle will fall.

Suddenly, there was flurry of movement, flying arrows, barking mabari and swift figure weaving her way through the attackers. Amanda and lady Eleanor were there, and together with the few remaining guards they took care of this wave of attackers.

First, he focused on lady Eleanor. She looked deeply shaken, her lips pressed tightly together as she looked around the hall and saw the bodies of dead servants. He quickly explained what happened in here, pointing her towards the servants entry to the castle, as he saw the Grey Warden and Lord Bryce limping there not so long ago. She quickly took off, Amanda's mabari following her with sharp bark, leaving only Amanda in front of him.

"So," she said quietly, "this is it, isn't it?"

"It is," he agreed. "You should go, my lady, the gates will be broken through soon."

In that moment, he thought he saw the love he felt towards her mirrored in her eyes, as she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him with sweet feelings she never showed him before. It wasn't passion, and neither it was the urgency they usually kissed with. This was feeling, deep and hurting, one he wouldn't dare to name. Then she was running after her mother, leaving him in the hall.

When Howe's men finally broke through the gates, he allowed himself to remember that kiss. Finally, he will hurt no more.


End file.
